Most men haven’t learned how to thrive by themselves. Single men long for a girl to spend their time with and smother with adulation. Men in relationships prostrate themselves before their girlfriends, lest they be dumped and left without companionship. Both types of men lack courage to be alone, and that fear shapes almost every choice they make. When a man cannot stand his own company, he starts treating any relationship like a lifeline instead of a choice.

They’re not comfortable being alone and need the crutch of a girlfriend. If you can’t be happy by yourself, you will never find true happiness with a woman. If you’re a single man looking for a girlfriend, ask yourself if you’re looking for a girlfriend primarily because you’re not happy alone. That question matters more than most men want to admit, because loneliness has a way of disguising itself as romance. A man who is desperate for comfort will accept too little and call it love.

If you’re a man in a relationship, ask yourself if you stay in that relationship primarily because you’re afraid of being alone. Take a month to travel by yourself, no friends, no girlfriend, not even a pet. Learn how to make the most of the world with only your mind and body. Learn how to be self-reliant, and learn how to trust your own decisions when no one else is there to lean on. That kind of solitude can strip away a lot of weakness very quickly.

Go to a country where you need to learn a new language to get by, where you can’t use others as a crutch. Learn to be alone. Once you realize the strength you have within yourself, your ability for self-improvement, you will realize that most women add no value to your life. A minority of women do actually make you better than you would be by yourself, and those are the women worth keeping. Only after you can stand alone will you know the difference between need and genuine value.